Taken on my way to work this morning. Obtaining a can of spray paint to makeshift fix the sign on the back of your truck? Five dollars. Projecting a message of child predatoring? Priceless.

Here it is, in all its glory. I actually meant to scan it before the fracas broke out — but I guess better late than never. (Click to enlarge!)

As if a google search for my name didn’t already turn up enough questionable results.

I was just going through my email, trying to delete a good portion of the three thousand or so before my box fills up and I can’t get my incoming mail, and I just noticed that one of my readers who has emailed me a few times with tips and et cetera is emailing with an email address from a different branch of the company I used to work for. But man: how beautiful is that? I don’t even work there anymore, and I’m still taking away from their productivity. I am productivity’s nemesis!* Suck it, old company who will go unnamed because of google searches. (Hint: the photo above is a picture I took there on my last day of work.)

* Speaking of productivity, I only got through deleting about 100 emails before I got distracted writing this post! Go me!

……

Google for Dummies:

Step 1: Type what you want to look for in the little box.

Step 2: Click your mouse on the “search” button.

The end!

You’ve now mastered Google. But sadly, are still dumb.

Who wuvs her Bobo? Best $10 I ever spent.

So much for my moratorium on wasteful spending. I just returned from the PetSmart where I purchased:

• Bag of Science Diet OralCare food nuggets. ($13)
• Three plastic frisbees @ $1 each. ($3)
• Checkout donation to animal shelter. ($1)
• Stuffed toy from my favorite PetSmart commercial (above). ($10)

Not that I mind spending money on my dogs, but they’re just as happy with stuffed toys from the dollar store as expensive PetSmart brand toys. It is a really, really cute fucking dog toy, though. You have to admit. Come on!

Derek Mears plays Jason, and he’s a huge dude, but very well-spoken and seemingly nice. Of course, I just saw him impale a guy on a busted up cop car, and come rampaging out of the woods about to split a chick’s head with the machete. Jason isn’t a lumbering stalker in this one, he’s fast, and menacing, and violent. Whatever. And for Stacey, Jared Padalecki is a charming motherfucker. He was totally hilarious, and easily the only worthwhile part of the panel. Not enough to make me watch “Supernatural,” but still, he’s pretty cool.

Almost as good as a reader who last year sent me pictures of Jensen Ackles from the “Supernatural” panel. I think I’m starting to be famous purely for my love of all things Jared and Jensen. Which would be cool except that I’m almost 31. Ah well. And don’t forget: J-Pad is also an animal lover. See? Obvs an all-around awesome dude.

I made the decision on a whim, which is how I make all of my important, life-altering decisions. For the longest time I’ve resisted in going for a smart phone, for two reasons. One being that the times I’m not actually sitting in front of a computer are so few, that I cherish my personal time — and two being that I didn’t want to pay an extra $30 on my phone bill a month for the privilege of losing said personal time and completely succumbing to technology. However, after arriving home from my recent vacation to find over 200 emails in my inbox, I started getting the itch. Still, I was considering a cheaper model. But Blackberrys are ugly, and after perusing the Palm Centros at Best Buy yesterday, I decided that I didn’t like the keypad and that the screen was too small. So it only made sense: I should get an iPhone. Right?

The logic is thusly. I’m usually a pretty frugal spender, but lately I have been completely irresponsible with money. Literally, here is an itemized report of money I’ve thrown down the toilet (or at least, spent very, very carelessly) in the past month or so:

• $50 in late fees for my J. Crew card. (Really? They do that for being one day late? Live and learn.)
• $200 on five new summer dresses. (I got good deals on them, but yeah: Five.)
• $65 on getting my keys out of my car. (See recent.)
• $17 on a glass vase shaped like a bird. (Purchase fueled by a half bottle of wine consumed at an expensive crepe restaurant down the street from store vase acquired from.)
• $30 on ill-fitting Pittsburg, NH souvenir sweatshirt that came down to my knees on vacation after leaving my favorite red hoodie at home. (Although I ended up giving that to Dustin, only slightly used and covered in dog hair, so it wasn’t a total loss.)
• $20 on finger puppets. (Yeah, I don’t really have an excuse/explanation for this one.)
• $2 on a bottle of water at the gym today. (Because I left my reusable one in the freezer at home, two strikes for being bad for the environment.)

So why exactly does blowing $384 (not even counting what I consider to be justified purchases like a new kayak and camera) constitute that I should spend another $200+ on an iPhone? Well, if I have a new iPhone, I’ll most likely feel somewhat guilty about the purchase. This means I can whip it out and admire it lovingly whenever I get the urge to blow my self-made tuna sandwich for lunch at the local Mediterranean restaurant, or buy an extra half dozen bottles of wine that I like just because it’s on sale for like a dollar off. See? My logic is astounding! Aside from the sweet GPS and internet at your fingertips, buyer guilt is one of the less publicized features of owning your very own iPhone.

Plus? I’ve had the same pink Razr for almost three years now, and I actually spent the same amount on that as I did on the new iPhone. And you know what? They’ve been giving away pink Razrs for about two of those years, making me feel like a stupid chump. Fuck that. At least I know that Steve Jobs is too much of a greedface to ever give away anything for free. (Although if they come out with pink ones in the next year, and they probably will, I’ll be pissed.) So as I walked out of the mall today, texting Mr. Salty on that pink Razr and knowing it was one of the last times I would ever feel totally lame texting from a pink Razr in public, I did feel pret-ty damn good.